"Gone. The saddest word in the language. Any language." - Mark Slouka

I've been in Chicago for a little over a week now and I'm really loving it. Before I left for school, I was so nervous about being away from my friends and family which was strange for me because I have always been the type of person who never got homesick and always spent time away from my family. Looking back on how I was feeling, I realize that I was more scared to be on my own and try something completely different than what I knew and what I was comfortable with. When I had gone away before, it was only for a week or a few at a time - it was never for months. I had a bad bout of homesickness a few days ago, but other than that, I've been doing well. My incredible roommates have helped me transition. I'm so lucky that all of us get along. I seem to have really good luck with rooming situations - the other summer when I went to camp for three weeks, my roommates and I became best friends. I feel like it's going to be a similar situation with these girls. Overall, I'm really excited for what's to come within the next few months of my life.


I am Holden Caulfield.

I'm in such a weird place right now. Going off to college is doing nothing for my mood. Everything is so strange. I'm finding myself in one of those places where I relate to Holden Caulfield and Harold from "Harold and Maude". One of those places where everything is great one minute and then you're depressed as hell the next. It's so frustrating. I don't enjoy feeling this way at all. I feel like part of it might have something to do with the fact that I'm reading "Catcher in the Rye" right now, but I have always related to Holden; this isn't anything new. I think I relate to Harold because he doesn't really know how to live. These past eighteen years of my life have been a farse of what I thought was living but it actually isn't. I don't know how to actually live on my own! How scary is that? I've just been feeling so confused lately. I feel like I've been split up into three people: one person wants to stay home and hang on to the last shred of comfort she knows; the other person wants to move and discover new adventures and grow and mature; and then the third person is standing in the middle, not sure what the hell is going on. I was talking to a friend who's going to be a senior about how weird the summer after your senior year is. I told her the only way you can describe it is a orb of emotion and you're drowning in...

Sorry that's really depressing.


First Post Jitters

So, I'm not going to lie: this whole "blogging" thing makes me nervous. I can't exactly explain why. It's not like I have hundreds of adoring fans waiting to read my every word (not that I would mind that...) or an English teacher breathing down my back to correct my grammar. I guess my nerves come from my intense need to be liked - in all aspects of my life. I suppose now is as good a time as any for you to get to know me. Since you will be reading my thoughts for the next who knows how many days, it only seems appropriate that you would get to know "the woman behind the words."

For starters, I'm eighteen years old. I am currently a resident of Minnesota, living in a larger suburb of Minneapolis. In a few short months, however, I will be heading off to Chicago to attend college. I plan on majoring in Musical Theatre. While not the most reliable major (I'm going to an arts school, so no major they offer is that reliable), performing is my passion and I couldn't imagine my life without it. My first performance was when I was five years old in a classroom play; I was cast in duel roles - the part of the Angel and the part of Mary. Since then, I have taken almost every theatre opportunity offered to me. There's not one aspect of performing I don't enjoy - acting, singing, or dancing- I'm happy doing it all. Aside from theatre, my other interests range from Native American's to high-waisted skirts to hip-hop music to figurines. Basically, if it's campy, I've taken an interest in it. Correct puncuation and grammar are both things I pride myself in being well versed in - you will never see me speak "lyke dis" unless I am doing it for humors sake. And speaking of humor, my comedy is something that I take pride in. Although you may not see it now, I've been told that I am a very funny person and I like to believe that's true. Sometimes I desperately wish I was born a man for two reasons: 1. so I could wear boxer shorts all day, every day and 2. so I could pee standing up. Other than those two things, I very much enjoy being a lady, although you might not know it from the way I act. I'm generally more manish in my mannerisms and my hygeine is nothing any woman would applaud. A dream of mine is to move out to the woods and live there, completely isolated from civilization. By doing this, I feel like I'll really be able to find myself. Plus, I believe that it's important for people to go back to their roots - we didn't arrive in this country with computers and cell phones. All in all, I'd have to say I'm a pretty "normal" teenager. I like my friends, I make mistakes, and I usually have no idea what's going on.

By now, I know that some of you are probably thinking: "this girl sounds so boring. What's she doing writing a blog?" Well, I guess I can't really answer that question. The reason I started writing this blog was because I enjoy writing and a small part of me feels like I might be saying something you want to hear. While I can't guarentee that you'll enjoy this blog, I can guarentee I'll keep writing it. Regardless of whether you want me here or not, I'm staying.